Here I am in this place again. Imagine Carrie Bradshaw in the Sex and the City Movie after Big leaves her at the alter....that's me. Minus the vodka, the friends, and the Mexican vaca.
I don't understand.
It's hard to love someone so much. It's hard to love someone and have expectations. It's hard to love flawed human beings. It's hard to give someone everything for over a year, to stick beside them through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, and in the end...what??
The same behavior recurrs. The same shitty treatment. The same thing to happen over and over and over. The promises broken. The lies realized.
Then....
This place. Sobbing, hysterical, angry, broken, hurting, confused, abandoned, lonely, sick, lost.
I didn't even do anything.
I don't understand.
Broken...
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Future
So I'm writing to chronicle my boring life.
I am currently applying for fellowships for after I graduate. This is alot of work and I'm not sure I will even get one. All of this post-graduate effort has made me think alot about the future...and I'm worried. I guess its natural to be nervous about what the future holds, but I get the feeling that in a year from now my life will be completely different. I just hope it's for the better.
I was talking to a dear friend of mine yesterday and she was talking about her future. She's in medical school, but when she's done she wants to be a doctor who travels around the world. She wants to go live in other countries and experience new things. It got me thinking that maybe I want to do that too. I'm scared that I'll never have the opportunity to even travel. I mean its been almost 24 years and the farthest I've gone is Canada. :( Maybe I should be like Megan and just up and move to China. What a life changing experience!!
Also, all of this future thought has got me questioning all kinds of things I don't want to question...but that's enough of that. I guess I'm just such a control freak that I want all of the answers to everything now...but I guess that's why they say to enjoy the journey...right?
I am currently applying for fellowships for after I graduate. This is alot of work and I'm not sure I will even get one. All of this post-graduate effort has made me think alot about the future...and I'm worried. I guess its natural to be nervous about what the future holds, but I get the feeling that in a year from now my life will be completely different. I just hope it's for the better.
I was talking to a dear friend of mine yesterday and she was talking about her future. She's in medical school, but when she's done she wants to be a doctor who travels around the world. She wants to go live in other countries and experience new things. It got me thinking that maybe I want to do that too. I'm scared that I'll never have the opportunity to even travel. I mean its been almost 24 years and the farthest I've gone is Canada. :( Maybe I should be like Megan and just up and move to China. What a life changing experience!!
Also, all of this future thought has got me questioning all kinds of things I don't want to question...but that's enough of that. I guess I'm just such a control freak that I want all of the answers to everything now...but I guess that's why they say to enjoy the journey...right?
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